How to Dress for a Vegas-Themed Party eHow

Rules Of Time Machine Operation:

1\. No booty calls on famous historical figures.
2\. No visiting the red light district of Paris in the early 19th century and asking around for Fantime, who is a fictional character might I add.
3\. No getting famous historical figures blackout drunk and leaving them extremely confused in the morning when they wake up in their bed, on someone else's roof, wearing nothing but a floral print muumuu and a thong, surrounded by a stolen department store mannequin, a bajillion potatoes, and 600 pounds of those little rubber erasers that come on the tops of pencils.
4\. No setting "Amazing Grace" to a snappy disco beat.
4a\. Or the US national anthem.
4b\. Or anyone else's national anthem.
5\. No trolling random paranoiacs.
6\. No scaring the shit out of James Cameron by suddenly appearing in front of him in full Terminator cosplay before the movie is even released.
7\. No pantsing Adolf Hitler, no matter how much he deserves it.
7a\. No pantsing Joseph Stalin, either. Unless you have a death wish.
7b\. No pantsing Rasputin. Now that you've seen what he's packing, the feelings of inadequacy should be sufficient punishment.
7c\. NO PANTSING HISTORICAL FIGURES, PERIOD
7d\. Or recent ones. I don't care HOW much Bill Clinton was willing to pay, and frankly I don't want to know.
8\. No giving Napoleon a 1980s sports almanac. (I mean, it's not like he'd be able to use it.)
9\. No crashing Jesus' crucifixion to sell merch.
10\. No appearing in the background of every famous photograph in the Louvre and/or the Smithsonian. Especially not while dabbing.
11\. No interfering with the production of Back To The Future. Especially not so that Doc Brown gets a time-traveling Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. I don't care HOW much money you would have made in product placement.
12\. No giving free abortions to the mothers of people you hate.
13\. No giving young Donald Trump a sports almanac. Alternate Hill Valley was bad. Scaling it up to America size is worse.
14\. No giving Stanislav Petrov laxative on 26 September 1983.
14a\. No getting Stanislav Petrov extremely drunk on 25 September 1983.
14b\. STOP SCREWING WITH STANISLAV PETROV ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE
15\. No putting joy buzzers in Nikola Tesla's shoes. Even if he reverse-engineered them and advanced the study of electrical engineering by several decades.
16\. No writing Walter Cronkite a rambling 148-character letter accusing him of liberal bias.
17\. As tempting as it is, no giving Donald Trump's mother an abortion. We do NOT want to repeat the Emperor Gorsuch incident.
18\. No writing Stonewall Jackson a letter composed of the word "Bitch" written once at the top of the page. While his face was hilarious, him killing half his administration in a series of duels was not.
19\. No trolling your past self by telling lies about the future.
20\. No using Tesla coils to impersonate Greek or Norse gods. Especially not in front of ancient Greeks or Vikings.
21\. No trolling drunken turn-of-the-20th-century PIs by bringing them to flying cities in alternate timelines.
22\. No trolling people in ugly sweaters by bringing them to Atlantis.
23\. 1000 tons of cordite + Library of Alexandria = Bad idea.
24\. No impersonating an interior designer solely to change Napoleon's fate. (He didn't even die from that, you fool, he died from stomach cancer.)
25\. No giving FDR a mech suit, as awesome as it would be.
26\. No making "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Al Smith" bumper stickers.
27\. Wall Street is off limits. As is Vegas, Reno, Monte Carlo, and sports betting venues.
28\. No convincing Steve Jobs to put a rotary dial on the IPhone, even if it WOULD be "one simple control".
29\. No giving Isaac Newton copies of Einstein's theories. The 20th century is too early for space empires. (No matter how delicious the spices from Alpha Centauri are. We're looking at you, Fred. Seek help.)
30\. No misusing hazmat equipment and personal music players to troll Asimov, Henlein, or any other science fiction writers.
31\. CREATION OF AI-EQUIPPED BOWLER HATS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. ANY SUCH ITEMS ARE TO BE DESTROYED ON SIGHT.
32\. No, you may not have a pet T. Rex. They're extremely large and exclusively carnivorous, so what makes you think that'd be a good idea in the slightest?
32a\. However, it turns out velociraptors (the tiny feathered kind), when raised from an egg, make awesome pets, being loyal, obedient, and sweet.
32b\. Never mind, they swarmed Janet's boyfriend and killed him when he hit her. Serves him right, but this behavior is shared by wolves raised in captivity, and velociraptors are clearly not pet material any more than timber wolves are. A long-term breeding program is underway to resolve this issue.
33\. Collecting samples of extinct plants for scientific study is great. Office plants, OK. Trolling paleobotanist friends, not so much.
34\. To the person who sent the baby raptors to Chris Pratt: You're lucky that Universal Studios has leaped on them as their new PR stars. You're doubly lucky that it was love at first sight between them and Raptor Lord. As such, we will let you keep your job. But in light of 32b, if they kill anyone, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law and we will cooperate with the investigators.
35\. No spiking Richard Nixon's drinks with shrooms, LSD, THC, AIDS, H1N1, hydrochloric acid, or COVID-19. Or sodium pentothal, no matter how educational it would be.
36\. No scandalizing Queen Victoria. ESPECIALLY not by streaking through the Buckingham Palace gardens.
36a\. Or Queen Elizabeth I, unless you WANT your head chopped off. And not necessarily the one on your shoulders, either.
37\. No showing dubstep music to Father Coghlin. Even if he likes it.
38\. No traumatizing H.P. Lovecraft with hentai. Especially not if it's fanart of his works.
39\. No prematurely inventing hentai.
40\. No showing hentai to Father Coghlin. While him flying off the chain was funny, the anti-Japanese-American lynch mobs he incited were not. The person responsible no longer works here, and is serving time in prison.
41\. No slipping sodium pentothal to any member of the Borgia family.
42\. No slipping the production staff of Raiders Of The Lost Ark drugs and convincing them to have Indy use a towel instead of a bullwhip.
43\. No convincing Gavro Princip, Richard Nixon, or Keemstar to do something different with their life. (Especially not Keemstar, who's a dictator in many other timelines.)
44\. President Jeffery Dahmer = bad idea.
45\. No giving King Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden coke-bottle glasses, even if he needs them. It kind of ruins the effect in paintings.
46\. No giving King Arthur and his knights Harleys.
47\. No giving the biblical David a motorcycle with the muffler removed, even it means that his Triumph would be heard throughout the land.
48\. No appearing in history books. Especially not as the guy in the Carmen Miranda hat T-posing in the background of the famous "V-J Day In Times Square" photo, just behind and to the left of the kissing couple.
49\. No making David Bowie a Roman Emperor and calling him Fablius. Even if he lived up to his name.
50\. No impersonating the court jester in medieval times, before going full Heath Ledger Joker. Nobody has tried this yet, but we want to put it out there anyway.
51\. No streaking at the Somme. Running around naked IN ACTIVE WARZONES tends to be a bad idea.
52\. No doing your best Lucky Luciano impression in the background of the "Abbey Road" cover.
53\. No streaking in the background of the "Abbey Road" cover.
54\. No switching President Theodore Roosevelt's speech commemorating the construction of the Panama Canal with Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "This Day Will Live In Infamy" speech, then plastering his confused face all over every newspaper's front page.
55\. No putting T-Rexes in medieval Europe. It screws with the art historians.
56\. Putting a sloth, a wooly mammoth, and a saber-tooth tiger together in one room was a horrible idea and I'm not sure why you thought it'd be any different. But we're all glad you forgot about the baby.
57\. When Jesus told John The Baptist to send a scroll to Philadelphia (Revelations 1:11), he was talking about the ancient city in the Aegean Sea. Not the modern city in Pennsylvania.
58\. As awesome as the show was, and as touching as it was when they first met, Bill Nye The Science Guy and Mr. Wizard hosting a show together almost broke space-time. Let's not destroy the universe.
59\. No making Undertale or Deltarune classic Nintendo games. I don't care how much you want Sans to be in Smash.
60\. No more bringing teenage versions of famous sci-fi icons like George Takei and Gene Roddenberry to Comic-Con. They were traumatized by the mob of people all trying to touch them.
61\. No selling SOE, OSS, Abe Lincoln's Secret Service, or any other historical spy agencies information you got from a history book.
62\. No using the time machine to alter the course of WWII, WWI, the American Civil War, the English Civil War, the American Revolutionary War, The Thirty Years War, The War Of The Roses, The Hellenic War, The Punic Wars, or any other war. Looking at you, Harry.
63\. No introducing John The Baptist to LSD or any modern hallucinogenic drugs. Even if he offers you sainthood in exchange.
64\. No introducing John The Baptist to cocaine, even if it made him write Revelations in under 2 hours with no change in the content.
65\. No selling anachronistic weaponry. This goes hand in hand with 62. Again, looking at you, Harry.
66\. Stop telling people we travel through time by building de facto speed for 12 hours. That meme is dead and forgotten.
67\. No, the time machine doesn't back up your Mac files. Stop asking.
68\. The Morlocks are fictional and you should stop telling people they aren't.
69\. NO USING THE TIME MACHINE FOR ORGIES. STOP IT CHAD.
70\. As awesome as Bela Luigosi is, he is not the only person who can play Dracula. So stop trying to use the time machine to get him to play Dracula in EVERY movie, radio drama/podcast, and theatrical production since the 1930s.
71\. Don't give radio to the Romans. Or any other historical empire, for that matter.
72\. No rigging up 30 ox carts with speakers and blasting Abba during the Battle of Waterloo. Seriously, you had the smallest machine, so how did you even fit all that?
73\. No making the '73 fuel crisis last for a whole decade, even if it led to the widespread use of electric cars 60 years early.
74\. No using the time machine solely to make fun of bad Marty McFly halloween costumes.
75\. No inventing nitrogen-based fertilizer decades early to avert the Dust Bowl SOLELY to stop you from having to write a book report on Grapes Of Wrath in 6th grade.
76\. No giving George Washington's troops AR-15s. I don't care how awesome it would be.
77\. Ronald Reagan's Star Wars program was a failure for a reason. Let's keep it that way.
78\. You are not the Doctor. Stop telling people otherwise.
78a\. That is a flashlight with a green shard of beer-bottle glass glued on, not a sonic screwdriver.
79\. You aren't the Meddling Monk or the Rani either. And you certainly aren't the Master.
80\. You remember that scene in Time Bandits when the main characters got Napoleon pass-out drunk and robbed him blind? OFF. LIMITS.
81\. Tempting as it is, no killing, aborting, or otherwise preventing the rise to power of history's dictators. Why? Because there's always someone just as evil and twice as competent waiting in the wings. Also, through sheer force of experience, Hitler has become quite good at identifying and killing time travelers.
82\. No, you may not strand your boss in medieval times during the Black Plague. Even if he's an asshole. Just because Michael Crichton did it, doesn't mean you can.
83\. No, you are not trying to stop a mad god from killing half of all life in the galaxy, and it is wrong to tell people in the past otherwise.
84\. No trying to screw with paleontologists by posing dead dinosaurs in dance steps or interspecies coitus. It hasn't worked yet, but better to stop it now than suffer a deluge of angry phone calls.
85\. The G-Man cosplay is high-quality, but super creepy. Please stop.
85a\. The Lutece Twins cosplay is also high-quality, but people are getting frustrated by your lack of non-cryptic answers to any question.
86\. Using future technology to build actual Daleks armed with Nerf guns? Epic. Unleashing them on an unsuspecting 1960s Britain? Not so much.
87\. No trolling the hosts of Candid Cam by doing insane stuff in their presence, causing everyone to look around for the hidden cameras.
88\. No stealing whales from 1980s San Francisco.
89\. In accordance with 7c, no pantsing the Rockefellers. Seriously guys, stop it.
90\. All employees are to pass routine drug tests. Weed is OK under state law. Cocaine toothache drops and original-recipe cocaine Coca-Cola you scored in the 19th century are not. Neither is WWII-era military-issue morphine or heroin. All parties involved are being prosecuted on drug charges, including possession with intent to sell.
91\. No using the time machine to make random people think they're in the Twilight Zone.
92\. No using the time machine to screw with Libyan terrorists. You aren't Doc Brown and likely won't survive their retaliation.
92a\. No using the time machine to screw with the Egyptians either. The Egyptian Ministry of Antiquities does not appreciate the lyrics to the King Tut song written in hieroglyphics on the walls of his tomb.
93\. Using the time machine to avert historical tragedies will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. Using the time machine to create new ones is verboten.
94\. No rival time machine rental company is run by Vandal Savage. Stop trying to convince people otherwise. Incidentally? The task force you assembled will need to go back where they came from with their memories of the incident erased. Also, HR and the FBI Counterterrorism Unit would like to have a word.
95\. I will not impersonate an investment banker and convince people at the turn of the 20th century to invest in molasses production in Boston, MA. I will especially not use the phrase "Waves of profit" when selling them on the idea.
96\. JFK conspiracy theories are rubbish, and it shouldn't take time travel to debunk them. It especially shouldn't take time travel and manipulation of events to make them seem more likely. Just stop.
97\. Steampunk cosplayers are to be kept away from the time machines. The last thing we need is for the robber barons to return.
97a\. Jeff Bezos doesn't technically count. But efforts are underway to erase him from time nonetheless.
98\. The time machine is not bigger on the inside, but the chassis is modular and can be swapped out for expanded units should the need arise. So stop it with the infinity mirrors. Seriously, that's not how physics works.
99\. No giving WWII spoilers to veterans of The Great War. Our Temporal Psychiatry department is swamped.
99a\. No making fun of Temporal Psychiatry's acronym.
99b\. No convincing Temporal Psychiatry staff to go into quarantine with you during the COVID-19 epidemic of 2020 and then bragging about how much TP you have.
100\. No using the time machine to try and erase fashion trends from existence. I don't care how much you hate grunge.
101\. I don't care how much they suck, no mocking the Byzantine Empire.
102\. If the time machine's reactor fails, standard procedure is to activate the backup reactor. Trying to use a bolt of lightning to restore power results in catastrophe, and this is to be made perfectly clear to customers. Some dumbass tried it and ended up creating the Tunguska Explosion.
103\. No matter how much the National Science Foundation or the private sector offers to pay you, no gathering history's greatest minds in one place. Although the group photo was epic, the resulting temporal backlash from these people being removed from their proper time almost resulted in the Dark Ages continuing into the 19th century.
104\. Do not gaze into the time vortex. Trust me, just don't.
105\. No more using the time machine to screw with the US Government in the 1950s. You are not a UFO.
106\. Contrary to the McFly school of time travel, future brand names make horrible secret identities. Max Pepsi, Ronald McDonald, Micky D., A.D. Das, and Ford Prefect are not acceptable aliases.
107\. Some times and places are off limits to people of certain races and ethnicities. This is not racism, this is an attempt at preventing our valued employees and clients from getting hurt. Incidentally, 1940s Germany is off limits to everyone, corresponding with the late Henry Cohen's attempt at violating #81.
108\. No giving Napoleon a speedboat while he is in exile.
109\. No trolling Robert McCarthy with the wristband communicators and bad Russian accents.
110\. No starting the American Revolution in Germany 150 years ahead of schedule. You are not Eric Flint.
111\. The time machine is not powered by alien space bats.
111a\. Neither is it powered by a hamster in a wheel.
111b\. Or "Narrativium," whatever that is.
112\. Acquiring trilobites for the lobby aquarium is great. Pranking fellow employees with insectophobia is not.
113\. Preston Tucker was a genius for his time, but has no clue how to design a modern automobile. I will inform General Motors of this the next time they ask.
114\. You will not screw with the production of Bond movies to ensure that James Bond drives a Vauxhall Astra.
115\. I am not Pickle Rick.
116\. You will not go back in time to ensure that time travel never gets invented, even if it would be best for humanity. The resulting paradox would destroy all worlds across all timelines. We made this bed, we lie in it.
117\. You will not replace beloved and/or controversial TV show hosts, no matter how epic having Carrol Shelby co-host Top Gear with Clarkson, May, and Hammond would be.
117a\. You will not use the time machine to have historical figures appear on modern TV shows. Even though watching George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Samuel Adams tongue-lash conservatives on Fox And Friends for 45 minutes straight was hilarious, especially the fact that Sean Hannity looked like a child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The footage will be kept around for entertainment, but a repeat will cost you your job.
118\. You will not use the time machine to arbitrarily change the universal standards for television broadcasting or cinema. Millions watching the moon landing filmed diagonally on a round screen with a camera suspended on bungee cords almost led to the downfall of television as a medium.
119\. You will not beat the Apollo crew to the moon and ask to borrow a cup of sugar.
120\. The Lovecraft mythos is fictional, and it's wrong to tell customers it isn't.
120a\. Incidentally, the practical effects for the shoggoth were quite realistic, and Hollywood would like to have a word.
121\. You will not make a techno remix of the Doctor saying "Wibbly wobbly timey-wimey ball" and convince the 1960s BBC to make it the official Doctor Who theme.
122\. If customers ask to visit the July Revolution of 1832, at least make sure they have a decent singing voice. The rotten vegetable smell still hasn't come out of Larry's clothes.
123\. No changing the order that numbers go in.
124\. No changing the order of the alphabet, either.
125\. The time machine is not to be rented out to art historians. Their fawning just inflates the Renaissance masters' already massive egos.
126\. You will not alter the course of history solely to prevent telemarketing from being invented.
127\. You will not convince young Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison to go into music and call their band AC-DC. Incidentally, a shredding bass viola solo doesn't quite have the same effect.
128\. You will not attempt to troll Simo Hayha, Mad Jack Churchill, Otto Skorzeny, Audie Murphy, or any other famously badass soldier.
129\. Customers are to be reminded that visiting Stalin's USSR will end with a bullet to their brain, visiting Europe during the Black Death will end with them catching it, and visiting the Aztec Empire will end with their hearts being ripped out on a sacrificial altar with a jagged piece of volcanic glass.
130\. The Spanish Inquisition is not a joke. For future reference: Saying "I bet they didn't expect that" at a coworker's funeral is in poor taste, even if they hadn't died by being captured and tortured.
131\. Customers and employees are to refrain from insulting royalty, unless they're impersonating the court jester. Even if medieval royalty are mostly chill with parody, Cleopatra and Caligula are not.
132\. If stopped by police in Blitz-era Britain asking for papers, bribing them with white bread and bananas will likely not work. Even though that one cop looked about an inch from giving into temptation, they started asking a lot of questions about where you got a whole loaf from and what that clear shiny stuff it was wrapped in was.
133\. Customers are to be reminded that they are NOT Diana Prince, and that walking straight into No Man's Land is a colossally bad idea.
134\. No Rick-Rolling Rick Astley as a child.
135\. Although it was funny watching Winston Churchill swear up a storm about Brexit, Britain asks you not to not do it again.
136\. Never put Ettore Bugatti and Enzo Ferrari in the same room, then ask them whose car was better. And especially don't set up a betting ring on the resulting fistfight.
136a\. The same goes for the Renaissance masters and their art. Assholes.
137\. Torchwood is to remain a fictitious agency.
138\. Customers are not to spoil the surprise about which high-ranking member of the Manhattan Project was a spy. The resulting chain of events almost caused WWIII.
139\. Even though the past is a different country, there is a pressing need to blend in. So lose the Hawaiian shirt, Jeff.
140\. Customers are to be reminded that their sense of entitlement as American tourists will likely get them seriously injured or worse. Don't just stand back and let it happen, and especially don't bring popcorn.
141\. If any of your co-workers are little people, it's impolite to make constant Time Bandits references. Wally over in Temporal Backlash Dispersion is getting really sick of your shit. You know who you are.
141a\. And the same goes for customers who are little people.
142\. Whoever keeps putting giant prehistoric insects in unexpected places, clean out your office. You know who you are and so do we. However, the Arthropleura in the loading docks can stay, due to his apparent non-aggressiveness and because the staff there have named him Arthur and declared him their new mascot.
142a\. Arthur's a "he" already, is he?
142b\. Yes he is, and we love him!
142c\. This isn't a message board, guys.
143\. Live Compsognathus (Compsognathii?) are not for pranks. Poor critter almost froze to death in the fridge and Jennifer almost had a heart attack.
144\. Jack...clean out your office. You know what you did.
145\. Scientists are not to use tissue samples of prehistoric life for trying to create the perfect burger.
145a\. I don't know why anyone thought that mammoth Spam was a good idea, but it is surprisingly tasty and production negotiations with Hormel are currently underway.
146\. You are not John Connor or Kyle Reese, and it's wrong to tell people otherwise.
147\. The time machine is not to be used to tell H.G. Wells he got everything wrong about the future, even if he did.
147a\. Jules Verne's "Paris In The 20th Century" is currently under investigation.
148\. Thou shalt not useth thy time machine to messeth with the history or holy scripture of the Abrahamic faiths.
149\. Early warning: No licking the Beelzebufo. You won't get high off them, they don't like being licked, and their defense against predators is to secrete ridiculous quantities of capsaicin.
149a\. The so-called "Beelzebufo Inferno Challenge" is hereby called off due to hospitalization of several employees with severe chemical burns. Seriously, they've got as much capsaicin in one square inch as 6 Naga ghost peppers.
150\. "The Hunt For Red October" is a work of fiction, and it's wrong to try to sell a plot synopsis to the Cold War era US Government as actionable intelligence.
150a\. Concurrent with #61, no selling historical spy agencies fake secrets either.

[Table] r/Music — HEY! This is Portugal The Man and “Weird Al” Yankovic – we make music – Ask Us Anything

Source
The AMA ended with the message:

Okay, gotta go. Thanks, everybody, this was fun! And thanks PTM! /Al

Questions	Answers
hello PTM! i dont even know where to start. I knew yall exist from the 2017 hit from Woodstock "Feel it Still", but i actually didn't know how great of a band yall truly are... You see, earlier this year around April/May I began to make myself monthly playlists with many new songs that i hadn't had heard. Out of sheer luck, I struck gold mine and found Purple Yellow Red and Blue. I heard the melody and i was absolutely mesmerized. Then you had me hooked. I explored through all your albums. This year i have listened to you more than anyone else, and I'm sure I will continue to enjoy listening to you again and again. My favorite songs from you are countless, but to say some : I absolutely love Atomic Man - what a great bridge and outro... perhaps my all-time favorite song from you (so many i cant even pick one) Purple yellow red and blue - one of the best melodies ive ever heard in my life... once listening to this, i can't stop singing along the chorus (same with atomic man; i love this one a lot) Waves - the one line right before the chorus " No One Cares About The Waves At the Bottom of the Ocean ". WOW. how can someone even come up with such a line... insane Evil Friends : what an intro! peaceful and slow, and that specific keyboard sound; perfect setup to set the theme for that song, also I love how it connects with the lyrics from the bridge of the Creep In A T-shirt! Holy Roller: "Another day feeling crazy, I try my best to keep my feet on the ground. I'm always all-around" are you kidding me? FABULOUS line. Noise Pollution : groovy chorus! love it. Live in the moment : absolute masterpiece - also what a legendary unique drum work! it's just awesome. INSANE. a close contender for the most favorite song from you, but Atomic Man is just amazing man. the intro, the verse, the chorus, the bridge and the outro. NOTHING BEATS ATOMIC MAN. Number One : perfect song for rainy days. the outro is a bit weird fo ngl Rich Friends : summer vibes. lovely. My Mind: nice stuff Shade : undoubtedly an amazing chorus - also another example of great drum work. People Say : yes sir! IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT. we just gotta make it through the night. Guns and Dogs : great song as a whole; especially when you slow down when you're reading the first few lines of the either verses. and ofc another great bridge. Plastic Soldiers : " COULD IT BE WE GOT LOST IN THE SUMMER!!!!" _________________________________________ I love all your works and I'm so happy that i have found you. definitely inspiring me as i also make little verses here and there. and besides that; it's just good times whenever I'm peeping your songs. Big ups! Keep up the good work. cant wait for more albums and more sogns. Please never stop blessing us with your unmatched talents. Also a suggestion; please please please! upload an acoustic version of your songs on Spotify! At least do one for the songs from Evil Friends! I can't stop watching the YouTube videos where yall are covering songs from Evil Friends :) love; ali	Wow thank you so much!!!! Hopefully we get back out there soon. We miss shows. /ptm
^{the below is a reply to the above}
any words on releasing acoustic versions on Spotify?! at least one for "Atomic Man" :( ? Also where can i buy some of your merch!!! (i.e. hoodies)	Online! I’m sure we have acoustic versions of AM on YouTube, but I’ll check out Spotify for sure. /PTM
In the song "The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota", where did the family live? Where was their point of origin? They "drove for three whole days and nights" (stopping for pickled wieners now and then). If we assume a bit of hyperbole here, and perhaps they drove ~600 miles a day, that forms a certain radius around Minnesota of around 1800 miles. That's farther away than the corners of the country (San Diego, Seattle, Miami, Bangor). Of course, I'm assuming they drove in a somewhat linear fashion... it's possible they made a circuitous route (perhaps to visit the Shuffleboard Hall of Fame again?) Anyways, they crossed the state line around 6:39pm, and saw a sign that said Twine Ball in 50 miles. Then, of course, at 7:27pm the ball appeared on the horizon of the Minnesota sky. So the twine ball is somewhere within 50 miles of the border. That helps. It means they didn't cross the whole state of Minnesota on their 3 day journey. Can you shed some light on this? Thanks!	They live in Springfield, like the Simpsons. /Al
First, I'd to say thanks to both of you for holding this. Now, my question: Mainly relating to Who's Gonna Stop Me: PTM, why work with Al for such a serious song when he's known for much more lighthearted content? Al, why work with PTM on such a serious song when you're known for much more lighthearted content? I'm interested to see how both sides of this line up. Also, I'd like to take this moment to say "Happy (early) Birthday" to the world's chronologically second polka-loving, accordion-playing Mr. Yankovic! Lastly, as a mod, I'd be remiss if I didn't toss in a reference to WeirdAl, we're big fans of you over there, Al, and while you certainly don't have to, it would be awesome to see you popping in when you have some free time. I'll also toss in portugaltheman for balance but I know u/Rallier already knows about it.	There doesn’t need to be such hard lines between humor and heavy topics. Humor heals and connects people. Al is the best at that. /ptm
	Awww, you guys!! /Al
Al, I know your 1992 album Off the Deep End was delayed for a bit while you waited for a lead parody, but do you recall if you had any concern at the time that the parodies of acts like Milli Vanilli, New Kids On the Block, and MC Hammer were already stale by the time it came out, and is that why you followed up so quickly with Alapalooza?	When I was making albums, that was always an issue - I'd record a few parodies early on, and then by the time the album finally came out, those songs might be a couple years old (a pop culture eternity!). It was always a challenge to release an album without it sounding instantly dated. That's a big reason why I've chosen to forego albums, and now enjoy the freedom of just putting out anything I want, whenever I want... like THIS single! /Al
Hey, Al! You called me when I was in the hospital back when I was 12, sent me a care package, and invited me backstage at a concert that summer. Really saved me, and almost made having three brain tumors worthwhile. Thank you so much! Anyways, was the Larry in I Remember Larry based on anyone in particular?	Thank YOU - hope you're feeling better!
	And the Larry in "I Remember Larry" is Larry Fine from the Three Stooges. (No it isn't - I just thought for a second I should mess around with the Wikipedia entry. There was no Larry in mind.) /Al
Weird Al - You've been parodying pop music for nearly 40 years. Are there good pop songs that aren't good parody songs? If so, what is the main difference for you?	I don't think any song is beyond parody or can't be parodied, but there are a lot of songs (I'd say about 98% of them) that I'm just not able to come up with a clever enough idea for, and if at all possible I try not to force an idea if it's not working. /Al
Thanks for doing an AMA! @Mr. Weird Al- Has music gotten harder or easier to parody since everything seems to be a joke nowadays? @Portugal the Man I don't really know you guys but my friend Sam loves you, so keep it up!	Pop culture has always inherently been pretty ridiculous, so I don't think that's changed too much. The 3 main reasons why I haven't been more prolific in the last few years are 1) I've been putting my energy into a few non-music-related projects, 2) I'm lazy, and 3) I'm too lazy to come up with the third reason. /Al
	Thanks bud! /PTM
Question for Al: is it true that your next tour will be a world tour and will you be doing a show in Ireland? Question for Portugal, The Man: what was it like working with Al?	We were originally planning to tour early next year - now we're tentatively planning on LATE next year - but absolutely nothing is confirmed because, well... you know. And the plan and hope is that it will ABSOLUTELY be a world tour - if we're actually allowed to leave the country by that point. /Al
	He is the most fun and most talented person out there. He’s exactly what you would hope. /PTM
Something I've always wondered about artists - do you have all your songs memorized, even after years? Like, Al, could you recite all the verses to something like "Addicted to Spuds", or "The White Stuff"? I imagine you're super out of practice with them, but maybe the amount of time you spend meticulously writing them means they'll stick in your head forever.	Sometimes I forget the words to a song I've performed thousands of times. That's the only downside of performing live for me - I'm always afraid my brain is just going to shut down. Need more neurons!! /Al
	I think I know all the words to those still /ptm
Portugal, Evil Friends is likely my favorite album of yours. I love following the different themes in your albums and I am curious as to what inspired this sort of sacrilegious/dancing with the devil theme inherent in Evil Friends? Also, how was working with Danger Mouse?	It’s just a representative of the outsider. The outcast. Also a shoutout to unbelievable talented black musicians like Robert Johnson. People didn’t believe a person of color could be that good at guitar so he must have made a deal with the devil. Stand in solidarity. 🤘/PTM
First off thanks for doing a AMA, Weird Al you have had lots of great songs and their always funny. Why did you choose to make a serious song "Who’s Gonna Stop Me" with Portugal. The Man. How was making a serious song different than your normal song making process.	The process is exactly the same - literally the only difference is that the words aren't funny. And I wasn't actively looking to do a "serious" song, but PTM approached me about this - I love those guys and I loved the track, so I agreed to be involved immediately. /Al
Now that you’ve (finally) had a huge hit with “Feel it Still”, do you feel pressure (from the label, society, yourself) to “live up” to it and have another hit radio single? Personally, I’d be happy with another Evil Friends or ITMITC.	That’s why we did Who’s Gonna Stop Me with Weird Al, Jeff Bhasker, Paul Williams and Dodgr. Solid follow up. /PTM
How did you guys come up with the band name Portugal. The Man. (As opposed to Portugal. The Country.?)	We wanted to create a fictional character to represent all the people in the band. A country is one name for a group people so our guys name is Portugal. We wanted to separate it from the country because we aren’t from there. It was on the other side of the world and that’s where we wanted to go. See and listen and learn. /ptm
Al, favorite Portugal. The Man song? Portugal, favorite Al song?	I'm going to go with "Who's Gonna Stop Me" because it has more "Weird Al" Yankovic vocals than virtually any other PTM song. /Al
	I agree. /ptm
	I’m going to throw in Mellow When I’m Dead because my daughter has been dancing to it every morning. Punk Al! /ptm
How tough has it been for you as musicians during the Covid-19 Pandemic? And what's the highlight of it?	Because of COVID, I've been recording from home. Now, I don't have a full-on studio at home - it's just a laptop, a microphone, and a digital interface device. But that's how I recorded my vocals for "Who's Gonna Stop Me" as well as my vocals for the Gregory Brothers' presidential debate video. PTM's audio engineer was able to clean it up and make it sound better than I would have imagined. /Al
	We miss touring and shows, but it’s nice to actually spend time at home with our families. More than we’ve got since we were kids. /PTM
Portugal. The Man- Y’all are my absolute favorite band ever. I moved to Alaska from Florida in July and am absolutely in love with this State. What is something unique to Alaska that you wish more people knew? How can people local to Alaska be a part of the Portugal. The Man Foundation?	Big move!!! Learn and support Indigenous culture! Say hello to our home! We miss it. /ptm
Hey Al. How did you find finally not having a record deal after so many years of having one? Also any reason why the last two tours never came to Australia?	It's great not feeling like I OWE anybody anything. And it's also nice not having to get anybody's written permission if I want to do an outside project. Having said that, my record label was very good to me, and I appreciate all the support over the years.
	And there's no good reason why our last two tours didn't make it to Australia. We tried, but the logistics just didn't work out. Hopefully we'll see you on the next one! /Al
How did you guys meet each other? Portugal. The Man and Weird Al is the combo we never knew we needed	We met in 2013 when we were rehearsing for a live webcast called BLAM - it was to announce all the acts that were going to be playing at Bonnaroo that year, and it was wrapped in an hour-long "comedy" show. From what I remember, the show itself was a bit of a train wreck - my personal highlights were definitely the songs that PTM and I played together. I played accordion on "So American" and they backed me up on "Canadian Idiot." It's all online somewhere if you want to search for it. /Al
	Bonnarroo announcement back in 13’. /PTM
Any likelihood an acoustic version of Evil Friends will ever come out? Personally Majestic Majesty has been my favorite album of y'all's to go back to Also @weirdAl, you defined my childhood and made me interested in music that takes its lyrics seriously	Not a bad idea... /ptm
Hey, Al and PTM, I have a question for Mr. Yankovic. What instruments do you know and how long have you been playing them? I'm a huge fan of your stuff.	Thanks! The accordion is the only instrument I play fairly well. I play a TON of instruments extremely poorly (and you can too!) /Al
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Didn't you actually play the keyboard in your songs pre-1990 though?	Yes, and I still play the keyboard, but I'm really only good with my right hand (my left hand is used to playing buttons!) /Al
^{the following is another answer to the original question}	We all kinda play a bit of everything. Jack (and Jill) OG all trades, master of nine. /PTM
hi guys!! yall's new song is really really good!!!im terrible with questions, so i guess this one goes to al - did you decide to collab with portugal. the man by your own terms or did they reach out to you and want to do so? either way is super cool!(btw big fan since i was little thank you for being really cool!!!!!!) edit: OH one more thing: al, i've heard you like oingo boingo - do you have a favorite album by them? or a favorite song?	PTM and I have been friends for years - they approached me, and I jumped at the chance to work with them again. And I love all Oingo Boingo, but I think my favorite might be their original debut EP. /Al
Hi Al! I met you at the art gallery in LA in December, cried after meeting you and cried through the first 10 minutes of your concert at Greek Theater last year. And I'll probably cry again many times thinking about it. Heck, i'm tearing up right now! For PTM and Al - Is there a band/singeceleb that makes you happy that you would cry? Or if you met them you would cry from happiness?	Al. /PTM.
Al, thank you for being the soundtrack to my 12 year-old's life. The Stitcher recordings of "The Ridiculously Self-Indulgent, Ill-Advised Vanity Tour" were our accompaniment on the drive to school for his entire fifth grade. It is always exciting to hear how you tailor your shows to the audience. Last year, we saw you at the Ascend Amphitheater on the "Strings Attached" tour, and when you came through the audience, my son went nuts. It was all he could talk about for the rest of the year... "I WAS WITHIN FIVE FEET OF WEIRD AL!" Here's hoping we have a vaccine soon so that you can come back to Nashville! And thanks for introducing us to PTM!	That's so great to hear. Thanks so much - hope to see you in person again sometime soon! /Al
Mr weird al yankovic can we ever except to see a full non comedy album sometime in the future?	Absolutely!! But not from me, of course. /Al
This one goes for both of you! FAVORITE MOVIE??? Love you guys <3	Top Secret! (That's the name of the movie, I'm not saying that I won't tell you.) /Al
	2001 /ptm
Does the magical floating orb still exist?	I see it every time I close my eyes. /Al
Hey guys! I really loved the new song! Can we expect more collaboration between you guys in the future? I would love to hear more serious stuff from you, Al, it’s lovely!	I certainly hope so! /ptm
Hey guys! You've been my favorite band since Censored Colors was released and I'm so happy for all the success you have found over the last few years. My favorite song of yours is Mornings, it cuts my soul DEEP. Was wondering if you would wanna talk a bit about the lyrics and what the song means to you. Love you guys!	Thanks a bunch! That album has some of my favorite lyrics for sure. A lot of growing up in Alaska and reincarnation. Life and death and everything in between /ptm
I bet you know some really awesome vegetarian recipes. What are one or two of your favs? I want to add more vegetarian food into my life. Don't need the full recipe, just a good idea of what to look for! :)	I've got this one for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You spread peanut butter on one slice of bread, and jelly on the other, and then you stick them together - yummy!! /Al
Would you like to take a survey? Do you eat beans? Would you like to see a new movie starring George Wendt? Do you eat beans with George Wendt? Would you like to see George Wendt eating beans in a movie? Do you eat beans at George Wendt movies? Would you like to see George Wendt in a bean eating movie? How many beans do you eat at George Wendt bean eating movies? How many bean eating movies have you seen with George Wendt? If you were a bean what kind of bean would you be?	The magical fruit. /ptm
Al, did you enjoy working on non-comedic music with Portugal the Man? Have you thought about doing that kind of thing more in the future?	I had an absolute blast doing this with PTM and would work with them again anytime. And this is not signaling any kind of new direction for me - I have no intention of ever "going serious" - but I also like the freedom of leaving myself open to whatever opportunities come my way. /Al
You've brought great joy to so many people, and that my friend is a life well lived. Thank you for sharing yourself with us over all these years! Question: Do you have any "serious" songs that you have written but are keeping to yourself? If so, would you ever get the point of releasing any of them?	Every time I've tried to write "serious" lyrics, it feels like I'm going against my DNA. That's just not how my brain is wired. There are plenty other people that can write sincere, heartfelt, non-ironic lyrics - and I'm happy to leave that to them. /Al
Hey Al and PTM! Last week during the Save the Stages show that PTM graced us with, there was a message projected behind the band talking about how the crowd reminded you of your 2007 tour, joking about how little of a crowd you had at those shows. I was at one of those, at Jack Rabbits in Jacksonville, FL, and sure enough there was only like a dozen people there. But it was a fantastic, intimate show that me and my friends will never forget. We even got to hang with you guys at the bar before and after, and created some wonderful memories. How did the low turnout on that tour have an effect on where your music took you creatively? And for Al, what are some memories you have of small crowds when you were starting out? And did it have an effect on you creatively? Neither of you let it seem to discourage you, and the world is a better place with your music in it! So thank you for the wonderful memories and music!	Someone stole my passport off stage that night! Ha. /ptm
Stoked on the new song. Any timeline for an album any time soon?	I'm not really doing albums any more - I just put out tracks whenever the mood strikes. But I've got a couple exciting projects in development - nothing I can talk about yet, though - sorry! /Al
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Hi Al! I have two questions for you: 1.) What's the biggest change (or changes) in the music industry you've witnessed over the span of your career?	There are definitely more mp3s sold now than there were in 1979.
2.) Any plans to release Medium Rarities on Spotify and other streaming services?	That's totally up to the record label - I have zero control over that. /Al
I don't really have a question and I'm kinda late anyway so I don't expect a response, but I've been a big fan of PTM for 10+ years now. Easily the most consistently good band I've listened to in my life, your albums just don't miss the mark ever. And on a more personal note, John's "we don't need it" story about hunting with his Dad when he was younger had a pretty big impact on how I feel about interacting with each other and our environment, so a big thanks for sharing something special like that in a time where I didn't have that same figure to teach me first hand.	I love that story too. I always look to music and other stories when things are lacking in my life as well. Appreciate all the kind words bud. /ptm
PTM, my religious mother is worried that my favorite band said “hail Satan” at the Grammys, always wondered the uhh.. intention behind that? Like is it a just for kicks kinda thing, metal kinda thing, do you guys actually worship Satan? Thanks	Na we worship no one. It’s a shout-out to Robert Johnson. Also we love metal. /PTM.
Hey Al, are there ever going to be video remasters of your music videos? ~~i want to help with them~~	Nothing planned. I kinda doubt they're ever going to look much better than they already do, sorry. /Al
Hey, thanks for doing this AMA! What's for dinner today?	La la la la lasagna. /PTM
	Beans. /Al
What are the most normal facts about you?	I weight more than 35 pounds and my blood is liquid. /Al
The album “It’s Complicated Being A Wizard” was astounding work. Where did that energy or inspiration come from?	That was all John. He usually does some solo after thoughts right when we’re done with an album. Also to annoy our dear friend and producer Casey Bates. Making a 23 minute long song for him to edit. I love that one too. /PTM
a question for Al: any interest in uploading audio of older concerts (exclusive parodies aside) as an official release so we wouldn't resort to finding fans' YouTube channels like some HOOLIGAN*? If not... what has been your stance on fans uploading older tours? for P.tM: favorite Weird Al concert memories?	Probably him jamming with us on stage in 13’. /ptm
Portugal. The Man: Modern Jesus and Sleep Forever seems to me to carry an agnostic message, which resonated with me and drew me further into your work. Just wanted to hear your intented message or interpretation. Also, your music gets me through the grind, thank you.	Both of those songs are about finding strength in yourself, friends and family. Which kinda makes sense from how you took it. 🤘/PTM
If you told teenager me anatomy of a ghost would break up, form a new band, and make a song with weird al....well I’m not sure I would’ve believed it. Nice work all around👍	I know right? Believe me, if you told me then what I know now, I wouldn’t believe it either. /ptm
Question for both P. TM and Al - how do you get in the creative mindset for making music?	I like to fish. /ptm
	Same. /Al
How dope was that tour with Minus the Bear in 2008? Would you tour with Al dressed as a bear, playing the accordion?	That tour was a blast!!! And yes absolutely. /ptm
Hey PTM and AL!! Loving the new single! This question is for PTM - after years of developing your sound and really going from underground darlings to mainstream rockstars, what would you say has been the hardest part of keeping continuity or a solid vision with your sound as you continue to grow? And how do you appeal to older listeners to continue this musical journey?	The solid vision of our sound is constantly changing. That’s the whole point. Evolution. /PTM
Hi PTM! Would you ever consider streaming a live set and mixing in some of your older stuff? I’ve gone to a bunch of your shows but the setlists are usually In The Mountain In the Clouds and beyond	Just did a bit! Planning on more for sure. We have a lot of songs! /PTM
Question for PTM. Loved the skit you did with the cast of it's always sunny. How did that come about?	We’re big fans of the show and have some buddies on the crew. They are all so funny and great. /ptm
Hey Portugal! Not sure if you’ll see this, but I just wanted to say thank you. During Hangout fest in May of 2016 you came onto our event bus and gave everyone on the bus free VIP tickets. It’s a memory my friends and I will always cherish. That was at the end of my sophomore year of college and is still one of my all time favorite memories. Hope to catch a show of yours sometime in the future.	Oh yeah!!! That was fun and a little awkward. Ha. Dude I miss Hangout. That place is a blast. /PTM.
To any: What's a little known fact about you?	I can juggle. /PTM
This one is for Portugal The Man. I want to know which pedals or effects were used on the bass at the beginning of "Feel it still". How do I achieve that bass sound that makes it sound like drops of water?	Reverb!!! I use the Surf Rider. Killer 60’s sound. /PTM
Not gonna lie. Your new music isn’t exactly up my alley but waiter: You vultures! will always be one of my favorite albums. I also remember seeing you guys with Minus the Bear and the big sleep in Grand Rapids Michigan back in my early college years first time seeing all three live and still one of the best shows I’ve ever been too.	Oh god that was my birthday night. Terrible things happened that night. Ha. /ptm
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Sound like a successful night then. Do you still have the red beanie with the big puff?	Ha. Yeah that was johns. Totally still have it.
Hey, you might not see this, but I'm really a big fan of your stuff, Weird Al. I've been listening to you for 4 years, and your stufd Is incredible. I almost saw you on the tour you did in 2018 (forgot the name of it), but I couldn't go due to a field trip that was scheduled the same day as the concert. :( Portugal The Man, your stuff is incredible as well! I enjoy the song you did with Weird Al. Anyways, the only question I have (for Al) is why haven't they inducted you in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame yet? I think you deserve to be in there.	I agree. /PTM
AL: If you HAD to parody a PTM song, which would you choose, and what might the chorus be? PTM: If Al HAD to parody one of your songs, which would you choose, and what would you hope it's about? Dave & Ethan	Hey dudes!!! I’d leave that to him. But yeah I have some ideas. ☺️/PTM
Question for PTM - What are your top 5 tracks off of Weird Al’s album “Even Worse”?	This song is just six words long Fat Think I’m a clone now Good old days Lasagna
I miss your old albums with more experimental style.	A lot of people think we were more experimental. Honestly, we just didn’t know what we were doing or how to write a song. We would change keys and change time signatures cause we didn’t know how to write transitions. I love prog. But I’ve learned there’s a line between art and lazy. However.. I still believe that you should never follow rules that aren’t your own or someone’s that you respect a great deal. I love our old albums, but also look at them like shit we used to draw when we were kids. The feeling is right. And the feeling is all that matters. 🤘/ptm
whats your favorite color?	Oh gosh - probably either periwinkle or vermilion. DEFINITELY not chartreuse!!! /Al
Boxers or briefs?	Depends. (Mel Brooks joke FTW!) /Al
Portugal The Man - huge fan! What was the inspiration for Easy Tiger? It's so visceral and raw and I feel like it HAS to be sourced from someone or something.	At that time we were kinda writing to our 17 year old selves. Asking what we would have liked to hear and what we should hear. If that makes an sense. /ptm
What song on your playlist(s) would surprise people the most if it came up on shuffle?	Most of my songs would surprise people. /ptm
For PTM how do you feel about people being surprised to find out the lead singer is a man's voice For weird al who was your favorite celebrity you collaborated with for your parodies. For example key and peele in white and nerdy.	I’ve always loved female vocals and androgynous music. Always take it as a compliment /ptm
Hi, guys! What are you doing to stay sane with all the political nonsense and concert/party/gathering restrictions?	Fly fishing. /ptm
Weird AL, what's your favorite sit com and why is it 30 rock? I enjoyed your cameo in thst show haha, what was it like behind the scenes?	God we love that show. /ptm
This is for both of you. What do you want your legacy to be?	Inspire others to pick up an instrument or just use their voice. /ptm
This question is for everyone: do you have any advice for those who may be lost in life at the moment?	Now is certainly a crazy time. We are all a bit lost at the moment. I feel ya. /PTM.
Much love to the boys and Weird Al from New Orleans! I've seen you both play live there. My question is for both the band and Al: What is your favorite part about this city?	The food alone is worth the trip. /PTM
Al, My Wife and I are big fans of yours. My wife is generally not a music person (Crazy right?) but if I put on one of your songs she ALWAYS sings along. And that always leads to more laughing. My Question: What was you favorite song to work on? Portugal The man, How does it feel to know that something you made is being watched by millions of people? Great song both of you!	This has been wild! So cool. /ptm
Hey Al, was there ever a song you wanted to parody but just couldn’t think of good lyrics for it? Or have you written parodies and then scrapped them for not being funny enough?	I'm pretty good with figuring out whether a humorous concept will work or not... which is why I'm incredibly picky about which songs I choose to do. But once I've committed to an idea, I've never given up on it. Every song I've ever written has been released - there's no vault full of crappy material. /Al
Hey PTM, did you fan-boy tf out when you first met Al? What was it like to meet a legend who’s been with us since we were kids?	I like to think we played it cool, but probably didn’t. ☺️/PTM
Hey Al and PTM, I've been a fan of both of yours for many years now and I'm thankful for the great music and bad times you've both got me through. Have you guys ever considered doing a full covers album like Weezer did? I know Al did a load of covers on one of his recent tours, but I'd love to see more bands do studio versions of their own favourite songs.	Oh we cover songs constantly. Always rep where you come from and what inspires you. /PTM
Thank you for taking time for this Al! Several years ago you randomly appeared via video on WWE Raw to wish Hulk Hogan a happy birthday. Do you recall how you were approached for this, and was it just a one off or do you otherwise have an affinity for the world of Professional Wrestling?	Oh, that was just a personal arrangement I had with Hulk Hogan. I agreed to wish him Happy Birthday on camera, and he agreed not to beat the living crud out of me. /Al
Hey PTM! Big fan ever since ITMITC came out. Seen you guys prob a dozen times live or so since. I know that there’s been a huge increase in your guys main stream popularity over the last few albums. But is there any particular reason you guys rarely perform pre itmitc songs live anymore? Satanic satanist is full of bangers. Would give me left nut to catch mornings live sometime. Cheers dudes, stay silly.	We just did it!! We just have so many damn songs. /PTM.
Hey, I dont have a question I just want to say I've been a huge fan of both of yours. I saw Al once in 2000 and was going to see PTM but got too drunk before the show and got escorted out of the venue... Maybe next time. Thankyou for the joy and memories you all have given me and my friends.	Oh we’ve been there too buddy! Probably at one of our shows as well. ☺️/ptm
Al, because you captured my imagination -- and my deeply-buried craving to be a knucklehead show-off -- I've written parodies since the early 80's. Dude, you completely ruined me for writing serious songs. THANK YOU! I've worked at NASA for over 20 years since it was clear I'd never match your level of execution with the music gig. ;)	NASA!!! Awesome. /PTM.
I need to come up with two words to get tattooed on me. What should they be? Also for PTM, you guys rule! Oh and will you ever release any B sides or unreleased songs?	I’m sure we will eventually. We have hundreds. /PTM
@Al and @Portugal - If you had no obligations to anyone or anything - purely free will - how would you want to spend your life?	Outside. /ptm
Portugal the man’s album “Censored Colors” save me from killing my self in 2010, thanks so much guys! Not a question i just had to post	Dude! So glad you’re still here. That’s huge! That’s the best thing I’ve heard in a long time. Thank you. Really really appreciate that. /PTM
@Al and @Portugal - What are your top 5 favorite albums?	Dark Side of The Moon 36 Chambers Off The Deep End The White Album Give Me Convenience Or Give Me Death /ptm
Hey Al, how's your quarantine going? How have things changed for you in terms of day to day life and music production?	My life really hasn't changed all that much. I still wake up in the afternoon, eat a bowl of beans, do a Reddit AMA, and go right back to sleep. /Al
What’s your Waffle House order?	Smothered covered topped and peppered. /PTM
Walrus?	Little buddy didn’t make it. 😢 I cried a lot.
Hey PTM. How does it feel that Al's getting all the questions?	It feels like this is the way it should be. Ha. All good here. I would be asking him questions too. /ptm
Al, and PTM: would you rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks, or stick your nostrils together with crazy glue? Also, Al, huge fan. Your music meant a lot to me as a child, and now as an non-child.	Crazy glue. /ptm
Where can I send unsolicited demos of my music to become famous like everyone else	Send it everywhere. /PTM
@portugal luckiest fly?	My buddy makes a streamer called the Makiza maribou. Blue and black. /ptm
Al, I'm a lifelong fan, hooked since UHF. While you can't recapture the magic of that movie, have you thought about writing more films?	I wrote a screenplay last year. Will it ever see the light of day? Who knows! /Al
Who approached who to initiate this collaboration?	Oh we did it. 🤞/PTM
Hey PTM and Al. I've been to both of your shows and had a fantastic time at each one. Al, your set and costume changes were amazing. Also it was a pleasure to meet you after the show for a quick minute. My question for PTM is will you consider adding such epic wardrobe changes to your show?	Ha. That would be fun. John changes many times a day. I can’t do it. We’re not as good at the performance part of the show. We leave that to the greats. /ptm
Q for PTM - In a world where Al accepts parody ideas, what’s the parody you would pitch to him (Portugal The Man songs or otherwise) Q for Al - Last 3 vinyl records you bought?	I would let the master decide. /PTM.
Question is to both parties, appreciate both for doing this and thank you. Has drug use in your life been more of a deterrent to creativity or an invoker of it. In music it seems that often these substances can be entwined, what are your thoughts? Thank you again, awesome of y'all!	It can easily be both. Really depends on so many factors. I I enjoy those things, but it’s not a necessity for our creative process at all. /ptm
How did you guys come to meet each other? Plus, can we expect more new music from either of you any time soon? Big fan of both of you.	We met for the Bonnarroo announcement back in 13. We were so nervous.
PTM - What would be your dream song in Al's catalogue that you'd love to have been featured on? - Dave & Ethan	Yoda/ptm
P.TM, your music keeps my world rocking! Can we expect to see you in Europe anytime soon when the pandemic allows?	We miss y’all over there! Yes as soon as we can responsibly. /ptm
Hello from Alaska! Question for Al: I went to your show when you performed in Anchorage, Alaska (oh so many years ago). Assuming this pandemic thing gets squared away eventually is there any possibilities of you and PTM doing a combo show again up here? If you do can I get a front row seat? Just want to say that you all are awesome. Thanks.	Hello Alaska! /ptm
What’s your guilty pleasure?	I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures anymore. Like what you like! /PTM
Hi PTM. Saw you guys and experienced your music for the first time when you performed with Cage the Elephant and Twin Peaks at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas! One of my most memorable shows and you guys killed it. Thanks for the good time!	That tour was wild!!! Holy shit what a couple rad bands. Every night was one hell of a party. Miss all those boys. /ptm
Hi Al, I don't have a particular question to ask you.. so... what did you have for breakfast?	Beans. /Al
PTM, any specific artists that has influenced the sound of the awaiting new record? (Besides the great Alfred Yankovic of course)	The Beatles and Wu Tang.
Mr Al, As you are the Wicker of Yanks, has the queen given you any royal duties? PTM, do you feel inspired to make a cover album of songs you grew up with? Edit: also I can’t wait to have you back on Comedy bang bang.	Never thought about a whole album, but always throw them in the live set. /ptm
Both PTM and Al- Will you guys be working with each other again sometime? I would love to see more	I’d like to think so. /PTM
Do you still feel it?	New phone who dis?
What’s up with your obsession with Beavis and Butthead?	90’s kids. /ptm
Gentlemen, thanks for being here. I was going to say: “Who’s Gonna Stop Me” is a human feat of musical gorgeousness. Or maybe it's a musical feat of human gorgeousness. It thrills me and fills me with hope. It makes me feel floaty all over. I feel like it's the dream I've been trying to have. So, what do you think? Is it Love Boat or Musician Ship?	Love boat. And thank you. Love you boat loads. /ptm
What do you want for Christmas?	To hang with my Ma. 😇/PTM
Another question for PTM.. How was working with Danny brown? Anymore hip hop collabs planned for the future? Evil friends bumps	His shit is awesome. Yeah we have some stuff up our sleeve /ptm
If you were going backpacking right now, no restrictions, where would you go?	Alaska. /PTM
Just wanted to say you guys are awesome and I love how you answered most of the questions, keep up the great work and stay safe!	Doing what we can! You stay safe out there too! /ptm
Hey Al & PTM, What is your favorite Dinosaur?	Barney. /ptm
Just wanted to let you know you are my childhood Al. Keep on being amazing	Same. /PTM
Al, can I borrow five bucks? If not, PTM, can I borrow five bucks?	Sure /ptm
u/rallier when can we expect to see some vintage pieces for sale as posted on portugaltheman?	That’s the plan. /ptm

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A really insightful and candid New York article | Mariah, You don't know her. By Allison P. Davis.

MARIAH CAREY LOVES CHRISTMAS. She loves it with a fanatic’s strict adherence to the laws of Christmas joy. She loves it like no one has ever loved Christmas before. (Did you have an actual reindeer at your holiday festivities last year? Did you hang out with Santa? Didn’t think so.) Christmas is also a cornerstone of the Carey complex. Frank Sinatra might have made the holiday classically jolly, Sufjan Stevens might have made it indie whiny, and Ariana Grande might have made it horny, but no artist has come to define our commercially driven holiday fantasies more than Carey has with “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Since the song dropped on her 1994 holiday album, it’s made an estimated $60 million-plus in royalties. It’s stayed relevant, thanks to fans, of course; a cover on the 2003 Love Actually soundtrack; an album reissue; an annual “All I Want for Christmas Is You” holiday-concert series that sold out a show at Madison Square Garden last year; an animated film; an Amazon Music mini-doc about the undying meaning of the song; and streams on streams on streams. Last year, it finally hit No. 1 on “The Hot 100” chart, after a record-breaking (for its slowness) 25-year journey. Who cares how long it took? It’s her 19th No. 1 hit-putting her above Elvis and one away from tying the Beatles. Does it matter if you like the song? (Full disclosure: I don’t.) No! It is the omnipresent anthem of holiday happiness. And so this year, this exceptionally s**t year of 2020, Carey, who always wants everyone to have a good Christmas, really thinks everyone should have a good Christmas, and she’s got 15 executives assembled in a Zoom war room at 10 p.m. to make damn sure everyone does. They’ve been going for two hours now, plotting ways to bring the merry and bright, no matter what it takes.
“I will sing with a puppet if it’s incredible,” I hear her say with deadly seriousness, that raspy, built-for-a-torchy-ballad voice floating in from one of many nearby rooms in the house she’s renting for the summer. She goes on to suggest possible puppets, determined to sing only with the best one or none at all.
Carey tippy-toes across the marble floors, carrying the Zoom meeting with her as she hovers in the entryway behind me. She’s in her comfies-black leggings, a black off-the-shoulder peasant blouse, and full makeup-but even dressed down, she’s walking like she’s in six-inch strappy Louboutins (a habit she references in the song “Crybaby”). She mutes her iPad mic to greet me quickly. “Hi! A.D.!” (Everyone in her immediate orbit is reduced to first and last initial. Stories sound like mathematical equations in which M.C. and M.R. meet J.D.) “I’m so sorry this is running late!” She’ll be with me soon, she says. She just has to find a diplomatic way to let these men know something they are suggesting is ugly! She goes back to the call. “It just isn’t giving me Christmas warmth,” she says, delivering her criticism as delicately as one of her famous vocal trills.
Carey is running 30-well, 45-okay, we’re going to be real with you: We don’t know how many-minutes late. This is what we expect of her, no? The Diva who bathes in milk and will only be photographed from the right side. We think of these indulgences as readily as her vertiginous notes, or those athletic vocal runs, or her belting “Juust. Liiike. Hoone-aaay,” while she holds her finger to her ear to keep pitch. So it’s hard to be mad at Carey for fully embodying all the various Mariahisms that define her.
Anything less would feel like short shrift, to be honest. Plus she’s a generous diva. She’s dispatched her five-person team, her covid-quarantine pod, to tend to me while I wait. They’d been together since March, without any outsiders, until I was permitted to come tonight (with mask on face and fresh negative covid-test results in hand). The excitement of a newcomer has everyone bustling around like a live-action reenactment of the “Be Our Guest” scene in Beauty and the Beast. “Allison, can I get you wine?” asks her longtime tour manager Michael, as he shows me to a couch and lingers to tell me, in his languid, Idris Elba-British accent, about the first time he met Mariah, decades ago, as she was glamorously coming off a Concorde. “Allison, it would be more comfortable if you sit in here-the lighting is better,” says Ellen, her longtime house manager. “Allison,” Kristofer, her Ken-doll-handsome makeup artist, calls out to me as I’m walking from one great couch to an upgraded one, “I’m making fresh shortbread. Would you like it with jam or powdered sugar?” Her ex-backup dancer and current boo, Bryan Tanaka, smiles at me, doing his part by just being charming. Ellen fluffs a pillow, pours a glass of wine and a glass of room-temperature water, and puts them down in front of the seat Carey will eventually occupy. I am left to sit in a luxurious beige-toned room that smells lightly of vanilla and gardenias- exactly like my rich childhood friend’s suburban home.
The house is still daytime bustling even though it’s now edging on 11:30 p.m., which, according to Mariah Carey Standard Time, is the middle of the day, not the end. Carey is a self-proclaimed vampyyyyra. She loves a sunset, loves a sunrise, and would prefer to exist exclusively in those shadowy hours in between. (She has a sun allergy, she insists.) Her time zone has other quirks: True Love only occurs in summer, underneath the stars. Winter is always joyous. Any day has the potential to be Christmas. And she is eternally 12 years old, as she has been saying since at least 2008, which explains the recurring themes of butterflies, Christmases, dol-phins-epic, song-worthy romantic fantasies. It’s in direct opposition to the other version of extreme femininity she likes to play with, that of the diva in heels on the stair-stepper. Neither persona fully explains how effortlessly she can command a platoon of professionals to execute her vision until you consider that this dualism may be her secret to career control. One cannot be dismissed if one demands what one needs operatically. One cannot be told what is or is not age-appropriate if one doesn’t acknowledge age.
Anyway, the whole 12 thing-it’s sort of a joke and it’s sort of not. Carey turned 50 in March, and Moroccan and Monroe-a.k.a. Roc and Roe, a.k.a. Dem-Kids-her 9-year-old twins with ex-husband Nick Cannon, presented her with a cake with an enormous 12 candle, complicit in her continued crusade against getting older. One milestone is colliding with another. This year marks both half a century of existence and her 30th year in this business-30 years since her first album, Mariah Carey, came out. In those three decades, she’s produced 15 studio albums, been nominated for 34 Grammys (and only won five-don’t get her started), and done everything a star can do (an HSN jewelry line, a Champagne brand, world tours, a reality show, a Vegas residency, an American Idol judging stint). This year, she’s been taking something of a victory lap with a celebration she’s calling MC30, opening the vaults on neverbefore-seen video footage and an album of unreleased songs and demos called The Rarities, and she’s finally put all that legendary shade to paper with a memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey. She’s still ignoring her age, but she’s at least letting herself acknowledge the passing of time.
She’s been teasing this memoir for more than a year, mentioning it at a “Genius Q&A” during the press tour for her last album, Caution, but thinking about it for ten. It’s 300-plus meaning-packed pages, and, yes, what she didn’t include has meaning too. Eminem, who was reportedly “stressed” over what Carey might say about their rumored 2001 fling, doesn’t have to worry. “There’s some songs that I can sing in response to that, but I will not do it,” she’ll say when I ask. And then, with a roll of her head: “If somebody or something didn’t pertain to the actual meaning of Mariah Carey, as is the title, then they aren’t in the book.”
What’s in the book is “for the fans” (of course) but mostly for herself, or at least a version of herself. It’s her turn now to “emancipate that scared little girl,” she says. It’s why she spent two years telling stories to her co-writer, Michaela angela Davis, turning the famed Moroccan Room in her Tribeca penthouse into an emotional vomitorium, in hopes that finally, after a career of people misinterpreting her, she can make it all clear. In a way, though, the story she tells in the memoir is the story she’s been telling herself, her fans, her critics-everyone-over and over again for years. And after 30 years of telling these stories, in different ways, you have to wonder why she still feels so misunderstood.
HIT IT, TANAKA!” yells Roe, getting into position as Ellen and Kristofer pull open the French doors leading to the terrace overlooking the pool. Carey strolls out to where Roc and Roe are waiting to surprise her. The conference Zoom is over, but there’s one more thing to attend to before we can sit down.
Carey’s latest single, “Save the Day,” dropped just a few minutes ago, at midnight, and the twins want to celebrate. The opening violins of the song swell over the outdoor stereo system, and they launch into choreography they’ve spent all day perfecting. The song is a long-delayed collaboration with Ms. Lauryn Hill they conceived of in 2011. They decided to release it now, since its message about the importance of coming together to fix the world felt relevant with national Black Lives Matter protests and the lead-up to the election. “It’s very auspicious,” she says, musing that it would have been the perfect song to play during the Democratic National Convention.
Roe executes a string of cartwheels while Carey looks on, hands raised to her face in beatific surprise, and Tanaka captures the moment on two iPhone cameras on tripods with lighting rigged. Rocky hits every dance currently popular on TikTok.
Rocky loves TikTok, but Carey thinks he’s too young to be on it. Recently, she had to put him on a “time-out” after he made a video asking his mom to say hi to “his fan.” Carey can be heard off-camera saying, “I’m on a business call,” and Rocky turns back to the camera and says, “My mom is not ready to be shot on TikTok,” sticks his tongue out, and blows a raspberry in disappointment.
“Okay, I was really on a business call,” Carey says, mildly annoyed at the whole situation. People assumed she just declined because she wasn’t wearing makeup. Plus she wasn’t the one who set up the account for him. “Co-parenting,” she says, then sings, “‘Yeah, it ain’t easy, baby. It ain’t easy.’ But you know what? It’s important. We keep it good for them,” she says of Cannon, whom she divorced in 2014. She won’t comment on his recent career drama (he was fired from his longtime gig hosting Wild ‘N Out for making anti-Semitic remarks on his podcast, Cannon’s Class) but speaks fondly of him in her memoir in the chapter called “Dem Babies.”
The performance ends. Carey runs to them, arms wide open, tears in her eyes, cooing over how lovely everything is-the dance, the sunflowers, the sign. She brings them in for a hug and photo op, but before the shutter can snap, Roe moves away too fast, ensnaring Carey’s large diamond butterfly ring in her hair. “Roe, wait, I’m tangled,” she screams, while Rocky emits a loud belch and giggles.
Carey says good night to the twins. It’s an atmospherically nice night, and she decides she wants to go outside to talk. “It’s better, right?” she says as we sit down at a long wooden table next to the violin-shaped pool (a Stradivarius, with a six-foot koi pond as the bow). Her people are again bustling, setting up the table for us, slipping out of the shadows, putting down drinks and candles, moving the whole setup outside.
“Ellen, will you make us some ‘horse devoirs,’” Carey asks, intentionally mispronouncing the word. “That’s what we call ’em.” “Are you cold, Mariah?” asks Kristofer, who exits to grab her a little throw. “Are you guys warm enough?” asks Ellen, who enters to put down snacks. More candles are placed around us. “Oh, darling. Don’t put that down there for me, because that is hideous,” exclaims Carey. “That is underlighting!” The candle is whisked away. Carey asks Ellen if she wouldn’t mind taking Chacha, her emotional-support dog, to her bedroom, so that she’s there waiting when Mariah finally slips off to sleep sometime after the sun comes up.
Finally, wine poured, throw draped, candles arranged to ensure we both look cinematically beautiful, horse devoirs on the way, she settles back and gazes out over the property, watching the fiber-optic pool lights dance through the rainbow and back again. She’s a little tired, she apologizes, and already a little emotional.
“Can you believe I’m back here?” she says, sighing. “Here” is an upstate rich-person’s enclave not far from where Martha Stewart is thirst-trapping with her chickens. Carey hasn’t spent time in this town since what she refers to as “the Sing Sing days”-when, in the mid-1990s, she shared an over $20 million compound with her toxic first husband, the former Sony Music CEO Tommy Mottola. Mottola discovered and signed Carey when she was 19. They married in 1993, when she was 23 and he was 43. Carey has repeatedly described the marriage as controlling. She felt like “a prisoner.”
Mottola and Carey split in 1996, but she still gets that clenched feeling in her gut whenever she talks about him. With a wave of her hand: “I say it all in the book. I’d rather people read it that way.” She takes a long sip from a big goblet of red wine. “And by the way, I forgot a lot of that stuff when I was writing the book. And then recently, people that were friends of his from childhood were like, ‘I hope she told the real story.’”
It’s not a new story in its particulars-it’s been alluded to in tabloids and interviews for decades by both Carey and Mottola. Even its emotional contours were out there already, in her own words, mostly in song lyrics. She’s made a habit of putting her stories-her past lovers, secret enemies, petty grievances, and big traumas-in her songs since she started writing them at 13. (And she does, may she remind us, write her own songs. That’s another thing she’s spent a lifetime reminding everyone-see the two-minute supercut of her saying “As a songwriter”-though she was only just inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame this year, a decade after she became eligible.)
“Honestly, if you look at the words to ‘I Wish You Well,’ it tells you a lot of things about different people in my life. It starts with ‘This goes out to you and you and you/Know who you are,’” she breaks into a half-sing. “And there’s a lot of different people referenced in that from my point of view as a songwriter.”
“And then, background vocals,” she says, indicating when the singers would have kicked in with the phrase “Can’t believe I still need to protect myself from you.” “And then back to the main verse: ‘But you can’t manipulate me like before.’” She’s speaking, but rhythmically; her fingers are waggling up and down near her ear like they do when she sings. She pauses. “It’s like I’ve been telling this story if someone cared to look deep enough. I just feel like there’s no way anybody could have known the complexities and the layered situation that is my life.”
Though her fans, her Lambily, as they call themselves (a combination of family and Lamb, as Carey sometimes refers to her loved ones), have usually paid close enough attention to know the significance of the songs that mean the most to Mariah. Even if she may have never come out and confirmed which lyric is about which incident or relationship, they have their theories. While my friend who is a Lamb Supreme has always suspected it, I, a solid Mariah fan who can sing at least ten of her songs without missing a word, was surprised to learn from the book that “My All” was not just about the general thrall of a new love so exciting you’d do anything to bone but about Carey and her brief fling with Derek Jeter.
The knowledge that this stuff is “already out there” made it easier for Carey to write the memoir. It removed the burden of dropping bombshells (though there are some) and instead lets her just confirm, contextualize, and detail things from her POV-like how she and Jeter met at a dinner party and started text-flirting, secretly, while she was at the end of her marriage to Mottola. Knowing that fans already suspected the song “The Roof” was about her first meeting with him made it easier for her to reveal what she wore the night they had a clandestine kiss on the roof (get it?) of his apartment building. There was Moët. She wore a buttery leather Chanel skirt. She remembers her boots and the rain and her hair curling in stunning detail.
“Of course I do! I can never forget that moment,” she says. “I mean, it’s not like it was some intensely deep, intellectually stimulating-again, it was a great moment, and it happened in a divine way because it helped me get past living there, in Sing Sing, under those rules and regulations.” When she belts, “I’d risk my life to feeeeyall / Your body next to mine,” in “My All,” it’s because she really was risking her life to have a night with Jeter in Puerto Rico, she says.
Her anxiety around Mottola sits just under the surface. She writes candidly about the security cameras she says were always watching her and the security team she felt was reporting her every move. “He was like this oppressive humidity,” she says. She could never escape. She could never talk about it, even if she was, in her own way, always talking about it. When she first discussed Mottola during a Zoom call we had the week before, she started to cry: “It ignites the triangle in my stomach.”
In his own memoir, Hitmaker: The Man and His Music, from 2013, Mottola denied being restrictive or controlling but deemed their involvement “wrong and inappropriate,” by way of apology, and takes credit for his part in her early success. Carey suspects he tried to sabotage her career after they divorced. More than suspects, she says, referencing a 2017 interview on Desus & Mero in which Murder Inc. co-founder Irv Gotti confirmed Mottola boosted a J.Lo and Ja Rule duet to mess with Carey. “It’s out there,” she says. She also knows he might be angered by her perspective, though she hopes he’s not. “I could have gone harder,” she says, suggesting she could have painted him as a monster. “And I didn’t. I give him credit where credit is due.”
So picking this same upstate enclave for her self-quarantine palace does seem inconceivable, but the kids needed space. “Not that the apartment wasn’t spacious,” she explains. (We know; we all saw it on Cribs in 2002.) Providing this for her children is just one way she ensures that they have a better life than she did. “They’re not running around with matted locks,” she says when asked how her own childhood has shaped how she parents. “They know that I’m here for them. They know that if they want to talk with their father, he’s a phone call away,” she goes on. “They have stability. That’s what I didn’t have. They will never have a holiday that’s not happy unless something I can’t do anything about happens. They understand that they are Black. They have a whole lot of self-esteem and self-worth that I never had. And I probably still don’t now. I know that I still don’t.”
She sighs deeply. She’s been up all day-like actual day. So tonight, with the wine and the eerily quiet country night, her 1 a.m. feels like everyone else’s: a time when the existential takes hold and won’t let go.
“But maybe one day I’ll feel equal to the rest of the human race. I didn’t even think I was worthy of happiness and success. I thought I wasn’t allowed to be that person that would have that.” She gestures again to the pool, the property, the basketball courts, the baseball diamond (“not a big one”). “Like, sitting here, looking at this? And after describing the shack?”
The shack is what she calls her childhood home on Long Island, a run-down house at the end of a nice block that she’s still embarrassed by. It’s easy to assume that her dogged adherence to the age of 12 stems from its being a simpler time, that there is something happy to relive there, but that’s not quite right. “I always say, ‘I’m only 12, yay!’ But when you see how many times I talk about ‘I was 12, and this happened,’ it’s clear I went through a lot of stuff as a kid.”
Carey grew up, as she tells it, poor, mixed race, in an all-white neighborhood that made her feel her mixed race-ness, where she was not white enough “but not Black enough to scare people into not saying stuff around me.” Her father, Alfred Roy, was a Black engineer from Harlem, and her mother, Patricia, an Irish American opera singer from Illinois who was disowned by her family for having his children, separated before she was 3. She lived with her mother and only saw her father on the weekends she’d go to visit him and eat his special linguine e vongole. One of the good memories. She never felt like her home situation was stable. She was always aware of tension between her parents and between her parents and her siblings. School wasn’t much better. In the book, she catalogues the racial slights she suffered at the hands of white children.
She writes about her childhood as the thing she had to overcome to become Mariah Carey. And because our traumas are like pothos plants, easily propagated from the clippings of the original, her parents’ trauma (her father’s of existing as a Black man in America; her mother’s of familial rejection for marrying a Black man and a career that didn’t come to fruition) became hers to overcome as well. As did the difficult upbringings of her older brother, Morgan, and her older sister, Alison, whom she now refers to as her “ex-brother” and “ex-sister.” Carey writes about witnessing Morgan’s volatility and fights with her mother. She discusses how she longed to have a real big-sisterly relationship with Alison but instead ended up in dangerous situations, sometimes with men, whenever she got too close. (Her nickname for me, A.D.-she asked to call me that, she told me, because she’s so estranged from her sister she doesn’t like to say Allison.)
“Alison and Morgan both believed I had it easier than they did,” she writes. She hasn’t spoken to Alison since 1994, though she maintains a relationship with the son Alison had at 15. Mostly, Carey constantly worries that they’ll go to the tabloids again, as she says they have done in the past. She doesn’t want them to see her as an “ATM machine with a wig,” she says. (Recently, Alison has made headlines for accusing their mother in a court filing of forcing her into sexual acts and satanic rituals as a child.)
“Here’s the thing: They have been ruthlessly just heartless in terms of dealing with me as a human being for most of my life. I never would have spoken about my family at all had they not done it first.” Even still, you have to wonder how Alison will feel if she picks up the memoir of her estranged superstar sibling and reads how her sister learned a hard lesson about what self-worth should be during the baby shower for her teen pregnancy.
I ask Carey if there is any chance of reconciliation with her ex-siblings in the future. “I have forgiveness in my heart,” she says, “and so I forgive them, but I am not trying to invite anybody to come hang out over here. I think they’re very broken, and I feel sad for them.”
Though she writes as candidly about her mother as she does about her siblings-their confrontations and competitions-she finds it harder to separate herself from the woman who discovered she could sing. (When Carey was barely 3, she sang along with her mother while she was rehearsing a song from Verdi’s Rigoletto, so the legend starts.) Carey still takes care of her, financially, “and always will.” She is one of the book’s dedicatees. “I tried to make her feel like I really do think she did the best she could,” she says and picks up her glass to cheers me.
“I cried writing a lot of parts of this book. Maybe it’s because I have such vivid recollections. You know what? I’m sure I’m going to have to deal with a lot of people being upset with me. I hope not.”
OF ALL THE KNOTS she’s eternally trying to unravel, there is one that, she feels, has refused to come loose easily: “I really have been like, ‘I’m mixed. I’m mixed. I’m really, really mixed,’” Carey sings at me, turning her lifelong repetition into a little ditty. “Like, whatever. Not to make a song out of it. That’s what we do.” This, according to Carey, is her most famous refrain, the one where she explains that she is biracial over and over again.
She already, actually, did make a song of it: “Outside,” from 1997’s Butterfly. She quotes it often in life and in the book (and will sing it on the Audible recording). And now she sings the lyrics to me: “Standing alone/Eager to just believe it’s good enough to be what/You really are/But in your heart/Uncertainty forever lies/And you’ll always be/Somewhere on the/Outside.”
When she cites feelings of alienation or shame, it’s often at the hands of white people. She writes about an incident where she was invited over to a friend’s house in the Hamptons, only to arrive and be called the N-word. It’s the Black women in her life who held her up when nobody else did. Her Nana Reese (her great-aunt on her father’s side) provided some stability. Her “aunties” were the ones who tried to help her learn how to do her hair. Da Brat once helped her escape Sing Sing to go get fries from Burger King. She dedicated a whole chapter to her Cousin LaVinia (“Vinny”), who was one of her closest friends. LaVinia recently died, but it’s her estimation of Carey’s struggles that most shaped her understanding of her mixed-race identity. “It’s like Vinny always said: ‘You kids had all the burdens of being Black but none of the benefits.’”
Before Davis and Carey turned in a draft of The Meaning of Mariah, Davis sent an email to her editor. “I was like, I have to put this on record that all the conversation around race and particularly the view of white people is all Mariah,” Davis says over the phone. They had a nickname for her when she got in this mode: “Militant Riah.” “There were a couple of times that she was like, ‘You’re being too careful. They hated me. I would never be good enough for some white people.’”
And yet, when she first debuted as an artist, a number of reviews misidentified her heritage. In 1990, a Los Angeles Times writer called her a “white singer who has a black vocal style.” Nelson George, a Black critic writing for Playboy, called her “a white girl who can sing,” while another accused her of being marketed as a “white Whitney Houston.” Carey says she can’t speak to the intentionality behind her marketing at the time-“I was 19, what did I know?” In her book, she references how her label sometimes “scrubbed” her music of its “urban inflections.” She recalls recording the “Fantasy” remix with ODB in 1995 and playing it for Mot-tola. “The fk is that?” he said. “I can do that. Get the fk outta here with that.”
Carey would eventually cease to be considered solely pop, becoming more of a crossover pop-hip-hop-R&B fixture. Even still, she’s spent a significant portion of her post-Mottola era defending her biracial identity. After Carey released the hip-hopheavy album Butterfly, comedian Sandra Bernhard made a series of racist jokes during her stand-up special about the way Carey was “acting [N-word-ish] … with Puff Daddy,” suggesting that the white-perceived Carey was all of a sudden acting “Black.” At the time, Carey commented, “If I was two shades darker, there’d have been people protesting for me.” (She ended up writing the NAACP, and the special was taken off the air.) The commentary didn’t stop in the 2000s. Even as recently as 2008, her race was being written about weirdly, e.g., when Jody Rosen sniped about her “racial ambiguity [being] mildly interesting” while trying to determine if she was a captivating pop star or just a good singer. (He decided on the latter.) But “Vision of Love,” she reminds me, went to No. 1 on the R&B charts first. And she performed it live for the first time on The Arsenio Hall Show. “Someone knew they were introducing me as a Black girl.”
In the 1990s, being a “white artist” or a “Black artist” often created deeply divergent music careers. White meant pop, Black meant hiphop or R&B, and within those silos, there were separate charts, audiences, magazine covers, award recognition, and dress codes, and to seek one audience meant potentially alienating the other. As Carey was building her career, there was very little room for crossover, and there wasn’t a lot of understanding afforded to those who didn’t really fit in the boxes. If you were acceptable to white audiences as a pop star, as Houston was, you ran the risk of alienating Black audiences and vice versa. It’s what Lena Horne called being the “kind of Black that white people could accept”: Carey, because of her light skin, and Houston, because of the way she spoke (softly, like a newscaster). The 2017 Whitney Houston documentary, Whitney: Can I Be Me, revisits the moment in 1989 when Houston performed at the Soul Train Awards and the crowd booed and called her “Whitey.” It’s only recently that we’ve begun to more fully acknowledge how damaging and destabilizing the label of “not Black enough” can be.
Davis and Carey met in 2005 at an early-listening event for The Emancipation of Mimi, one of Carey’s comeback albums. Four years earlier, Carey had suffered her first major flop with the movie Glitter. She’d been dropped by EMI a year after it signed her to one of those historic colossally big deals (reportedly, $100 million for five albums). She had a public breakdown and was hospitalized for exhaustion after she made an erratic appearance on TRL. (In the memoir, she reminds us that, despite all that, the song “Loverboy” from Glitter ended up being the best-selling single of 2001. “I’m real,” she mic-drops.)
The Emancipation of Mimi was a reassertion of Carey as an artist, her opportunity to set the tone for the next phase of her career, one she wanted to be centered around her Blackness, and she wanted to do that with a cover story for Essence. “It was very strategic that she started with Black women,” Davis says. At the time, Davis was an editor at the magazine. “Black women have always grounded her in truth,” she says.
Essence had never had Carey on the cover before. Previous editors-in-chief had passed “because, they literally said, ‘Mariah Carey has never said she was Black,’” recounts Davis. The writer, Joan Morgan, brought in evidence: stacks of clippings and transcripts where Carey said “I’m Black” or “My father is Black.” In the end, Davis won. They ran an article in which Carey discussed, similarly to now, what people didn’t know about her struggles with her racial identity. At the end, the article declared her “a grown ass Black woman.” The cover line read: “America’s Most Misunderstood Black Woman.” That was 15 years ago.
From a musical perspective, at least, many of the issues Carey faced early in her career feel less intense now. Hip-hop culture is pop culture. And thanks to Mariah Carey’s 1997 album Butterfly, the once-novel idea of a pop-hip-hop crossover-what her friend and collaborator Jermaine Dupri calls hip-pop-is essentially just what a new song by any artist sounds like.
It’s worth considering whether she would have been as big of a pop star if she had originally been marketed as a Black artist. Would she have been able to collaborate with ODB and the long roster of hiphop artists and producers she favored, and to see those songs become megahits, if her proximity to whiteness hadn’t made it all seem “non-threatening” to white audiences?
“The truth is I will never say I had the same experience as a darker-skinned woman,” Carey starts in. She acknowledges the privilege in her being accepted by white audiences and a white-run music industry, but to her, it also means “having a white mother, and being forced to live in white neighborhoods, and feeling ashamed that there is nobody visibly Black there … and I’m being so real right now that I want to edit myself,” she pauses.
“Believe you me, I’m not thrilled to be this skin tone all the time.” Then she launches into the questions she has asked herself her whole life and maybe continues to ask: “How was I supposed to fit in? I was, like, the only one that’s this weird mutant, mutt-using an antiquated phrase that I’m not asking anyone else to ever use again, but I’m embracing it- mulatto girl. I’m not even embracing it. It’s a horrible way of defining somebody. It actually means ‘mule.’”
Whatever it did for her career, she says, it also “distanced me from the comfort of support and protection from some Black people. Which is an even deeper kind of a pain, pile of pain, if that makes sense. It’s been a lot.”
IF THERE’S ONE THING that makes I Carey nervous about the release of this book into the world, besides some content that is going to “surprise even her best friends,” it’s that people will misconstrue why she’s talking about a lot of this stuff now. She has wanted to write the memoir for a decade, she says. “Whether or not it suddenly became okay to deal with stuff, this book was coming out anyway.” She doesn’t want to seem like she’s capitalizing on the moment.
But the current moment does seem to keep giving new context for her experiences. For example, the conversation surrounding Ellen DeGeneres’s reportedly toxic workplace behavior led to a clip of an interview with Carey resurfacing on Twitter. It’s from 2008, when there were rumors Carey was pregnant. DeGeneres, apparently determined to get Carey to confirm the speculation, challenged her to drink Champagne. Carey was forced to announce her pregnancy. She miscarried soon after. “I was extremely uncomfortable with that moment is all I can say. And I really have had a hard time grappling with the aftermath,” she says. “I wasn’t ready to tell anyone because I had had a miscarriage. I don’t want to throw anyone that’s already being thrown under any proverbial bus, but I didn’t enjoy that moment.” Carey goes on to say that there is “an empathy that can be applied to those moments that I would have liked to have been implemented. But what am I supposed to do? It’s like, [sings] ‘What are you going to do?’”
Her fans have also helped her reexamine her past. In 2018, a Lamb-led campaign, #JusticeForGlitter, turned her former career low into a cult classic and earned the soundtrack a place on the charts for a little while. The movie did come out the week after 9/11; it never truly got a fair shake. With the help of her Lambs, and a Change.org petition demanding that streaming services finally offer it, the album reached No. 1 on iTunes. That same year, Carey was on the cover of People, revealing her battle with bipolar disorder for the first time. It seemed to explain what happened during Glitter, when she went on TRL, but she chose not to elaborate further in the book. “Because I don’t feel like there’s a mental-illness discussion to be had,” she says when I ask. “It is not to deny that. I am not denying that. I just don’t know that I believe in any one diagnosis for a situation or a human being.”
For her, the real story of Glitter, which she tells in great detail for the first time, was the story of her working too hard, of succumbing to the exhaustion of sleep deprivation, and of her family betraying her. (Her mother called the police on her when she was acting erratically, and her brother was the one to check her into a recovery facility, she writes.) That’s perhaps the biggest benefit of this memoir to her: “Now, if people have questions, I can be like, ‘Please refer to chapter x,’ rather than me having to stick up for myself, protect myself, defend myself. Because we can all be wounded, but are we going to sit around licking our wounds forever?”
IT’S NEARING 4 A.M., and she could I talk more, but she desperately needs to use “the loo.” She slips away while her team comes out, partly to keep me company and partly to signal it’s time for me to wrap it up.
The first time we talked, Carey mentioned that it was a bit lonely realizing that she was the only one of her peers who lived to write her own story. Whitney’s gone. Prince is gone. There’s some pressure that comes with that: What story are you willing to tell about yourself, and what are you willing to accept? Carey has finally shaped her story the way she sees it: one of herself as a perpetual underdog who has risen, fallen, and climbed back as dexterously as her famed melismas. It’s the narrative that has propulsed her to greatness; it’s also her mental loop.
Carey comes back from the bathroom and, it turns out, a costume change. She’s swapped her peasant blouse for a black satin kimono robe. It’s humid, her hair has fallen flat, and her laugh is mingling with the chirping cicadas that have emerged. Sunrise is closer than sunset, and it’s starting to feel loose, like the last hour at the club, right before the lights come up, as the DJ tries to find the perfect song to send you off.
Tanaka slips his hand into hers and murmurs that the pasta aglio e olio he has made her is ready. Her emotional-support dog is waiting in bed for her. Her two kids are upstairs, happy but maybe only pretending to be asleep.
Despite how legends want to be seen, this is probably how we most want to see them. As living proof that a life of ups and downs and hard work and too much work ends with you rich as f**k, sitting next to a violin-shaped pool with the family you’ve created to supplant the one you had to endure.
Michael is recounting a story of the time a group of Bloods came up to Mariah backstage at the Source Awards and he was worried. “Oh, I’m good at diffusing tense situations because of my childhood,” she says. Everyone was scared, but they just wanted to take pictures with her on their disposable camera, no big deal. Despite urging me to leave, he pulls up a chair, and they start swapping memories.
“Oh, remember,” Carey says, lurching into another tale, “Jay [as in Z] has that great story of when we were all there together at the club and Prince was taking so long to perform? Whatever, it’s a long story, but he didn’t go on until like 5 a.m. with Chaka Khan, who was having Hennessy and smoking and still singing like a trumpet, and it was amazing. It was amazing.”
Not everyone was there, but everyone agrees it was amazing.
“By the way, this should have been in the book,” she says.
Yes, everyone agrees, it should have been in the book. There was a lot that could have been in the book.
“There’s so much more dragging that could have been done,” she says. “I really didn’t say everything,” she adds with a smile, leaving us hoping, again, for another piece of the story.
Source: Hejira (UK mix)

Post-apocalyptic Wild west party ideas?

Persona 5's Plot is based on Steely Dan's 1972 Album, 'Can't Buy A Thrill'

Ok so, from reading the title, I know this must seem just totally batshit. But bear with me, I swear there's a connection here. All of the major Story Beats in Persona 5 can be linked to at least one song on Steely Dan's seminal 1972 album, Can't Buy A Thrill.
So, where to begin - the beginning seems like a good enough place, both of the album and the story. Our protagonist's journey begins with his false imprisonment on an assault charge after protecting a woman from a powerful politician's drunken advances, and this beginning of the plot is echoed in the first verse of the first song on the album, 'Do It Again' - The lyrics go as follows:
'In the mornin' you go gunning for the man who stole your wate
And you fire till he is done in but they catch you at the borde
And the mourners are all singin' as they drag you by your feet/
But the hangman isn't hangin' and they put you on the street.'
The 'morning' here refers to the figurative morning of the story, at its beginning. The man who stole your water is Shido - not in a literal sense, but rather that he has massively affected your life. The lyric 'you fire till he is done in but they catch you at the border' refers to the Protagonist's victory over Shido in the short-term, and subsequent imprisonment. The 'mourners' are the life that the Protagonist leaves behind after his assault charge, and his being 'put on the street' is in reference to how he is turned away and forced to live in Tokyo.
Onto the next verse:
When you know she's no high climber, then you find your only friend/
In a room with your two timer, and you're sure you're near the end/
Then you love a little wild one, and she brings you only sorrow/
All the time you know she's smilin', you'll be on your knees tomorrow'
This could be interpreted to be about the early days at Shujin - The first line could be in reference to the cutscene where the protagonist and Ann first meet - that the protagonist knows she's 'no high climber' because of her kindness toward him, and then you 'find your only friend' immediately after in the form of Ryuji, who disregards all the rumours about you. 'In a room with your two timer' could, fittingly enough have multiple meanings - the 'two timer' could be Kamoshida, with his double identity between himself and his shadow, or it could be Ann, who is falsely perceived by the students to be 'two timing' Kamoshida. The 'wild one' mentioned in the next line could also be Ann, due to her costume and namesake, as Panther. Finally, the last line 'All the time you know she's smilin' references Ann's new hope after joining the Phantom thieves, and the lyric 'You'll be on your knees tomorrow' references Kamoshida's shadow after its defeat, as he sinks to his knees.
So, what's next? Well, we will come back to this song later, but for now, the plot moves along to the next song on the album, 'Dirty Work', and how it references Madarame's Arc. The song begins
'Times are hard, you're afraid to pay the fee/
so you find yourself somebody, who can do the job for free'
These introductory lyrics align closely with Madarame and Yusuke's story - the hard times Madarame falls upon are his art block, and he is 'afraid to pay the fee' of suffering for his lack of productivity, so he finds himself somebody 'who can do the job for free' - his many apprentices, whose artwork he steals. The chorus, in turn, exemplifies Yusuke's part of the story after his awakening:
'I'm a fool to do your dirty work, oh yeah/
I don't wanna do your dirty work, no more'
Yusuke realises Madarame's complicity and no longer wishes to work under him. Indeed, the line in the second verse
'I foresee terrible trouble, and I stay here just the same'
could show Yusuke's mindset - he subconsciously knows something is wrong, but continues to labour under Madarame.
Next is Kaneshiro's Palace, and a few songs on the album go with this. However, I'd argue the two most poignant are 'Brooklyn Owes The Charmer Under Me' and 'Midnite Cruiser', both of which deal with similar themes. Brooklyn Owes..., specifically uses these themes of luxury, as with the themes of Kaneshiro's palace. Check out these lyrics:
'A race of angels bound to one anothe
a dish of dollars laid out for all to see'
The angels specifically here could reference the shadows, who are themselves bound, and the dish of dollars carries with it themes of luxury, as well as echoing Kaneshiro's desire to be seen as wealthy and powerful. However, his true nature is succinctly expressed in 'Midnite Cruiser', in the lyrics:
'Tell me where are you driving, Midnite Cruiser?/
Where is your bounty of fortune and fame/
I am another gentleman lose
drive me to Harlem, or somewhere the same.'
In this chorus, one can see a reflection of Kaneshiro's true nature - his desire for 'fortune and fame' and his status as a 'Gentleman loser' show that he has already tacitly accepted his failure, and in turn highlights the vanity of his efforts in the real world. Finally, in 'Brooklyn owes...', the lyric
'A case of aces done up loose for dealing' echoes the nature of Kaneshiro's treasure, the briefcase full of fake cash - the ace itself symbolically implies value, but the fact that there is a case thereof significantly diminishes this, and shows the phony nature of Kaneshiro's wealth.
Next is Futaba, and with her palace, the song 'Fire In The Hole', which rather aptly summarises the nature of her tragedy. The first verse is as follows:
' I decline to walk the line They tell me that I'm lazy Worldly wise, I realize That everybody's crazy A woman's voice reminds me To serve and not to speak, am I myself or just another freak?'
The consistent reference to a 'they' in these lines points to a feeling of alienation from the outside world, and the specific problems mentioned, of being lazy or crazy, could easily match up with one's perceptions of what they think the people around them think of their faults. All of this corresponds to Futaba hiding herself away in her room. The 'woman's voice' would be her hallucinations of Wakaba disparaging her, and the questioning of her own identity or if she's 'just another freak' denote her feelings of low self esteem. The next verse contains the lyrics
'My life is boiling ove
it's happened once before/
I wish someone would open up the door'
which pretty aptly summarise Futaba's situation - her increased feelings of stress ('life is boiling over') and her wish that someone would 'open up the door' showing a nascent desire to no longer sequester herself - this could be the catalyst for her demand of the Phantom Thieves to change her heart.
Next is Okumura's palace, which I feel embodies best the song 'Only A Fool Would Say That'. Right from the outset, the disparaging title makes it clear that the person who would say this is prideful. Okumura's greed takes on a corporate façade of colourful advertising, but behind the curtain it is incredibly harmful. This song describes the downtrodden condition of the worker:
'The man in the street, dragging his feet/
don't wanna hear the bad news.'
as well as how the narrator, who we already know is prideful, declares that only a fool would believe in better things:
'I heard it was you/
talkin' 'bout a world where all is free/
it just couldn't be/
and only a fool would say that'
This shows the greed of taking advantage of the workers in this way, and the hypocrisy of Okumura in the diametrically opposed views of Okumura Foods that the public gets - the cheerful, outward facing façade, complete with space theming, and the horrific reality of being consistently beaten down and overworked, all the while being told that better things aren't possible.
Next is Sae's palace, which corresponds to the final verse of 'Do It Again' - in this way we can see the recursive nature of the plot, taking us back to the beginning of the album and the story through the flashbacks to Sae. This recursive nature is emphasised by the line in the bridge:
'You go back, Jack, do it again/
wheel turnin' round and round'
The final verse goes as follows:
'Now you swear and kick and beg us that you're not a gambling man/
then you find you're back in Vegas with a handle in your hand/
Your black cards can make you money, so you hide them when you're able/
in the land of milk and honey, you must put them on the table'
This verse is especially interesting to me - the casino theming is obvious, but it also denotes the Thieves' character arcs in a poignant manner. The first line deals with misconceptions, a theme for most characters in the story - each of them is misinterpreted or seen as something they're not, usually by the forces of the law or the establishment. However, this same alienation drives them to actually become the thieves that society has t out for the most - that they 'find (they're) back in Vegas' shows that they have taken in society's misconceptions and reclaimed them as their own. This makes sense in the context of the story, as the Phantom Thieves' full team has assembled, and they are striking back against the most distilled representation of the establishment thus far - Sae Niijima, a corrupt prosecutor who has been seen. up until this point, in a negative light. The hiding of the black cards represents striking back at an unjust system - if you cheat in a Casino, you're already winning against a heavily weighted house. It could also represent the deception of Akechi surrounding Joker, their ace in the hole - in the context of this line the cards would be hidden from the dealer, and as such this implies that Akechi is on the side of the house, the dealer, and the corrupt adults. The 'land of milk and honey' is what is promised for those who follow the rules, and shows Akechi's deception of the thieves - both parties end up putting their cards on the table, and it is only thanks to the Thieves' plotting that they end up beating the house, so to speak.
Finally, Shido's Palace is best suited to the song 'Kings', unsurprisingly. The song itself details the American political climate during the Vietnam War, but also acts as an effective allegory for Shido's nationalistic political aspirations. The song is from the point of view of an apathetic citizenry, in keeping with the story, and shows the tyrannical nature of being ruled, as well as the suffering of everyday people, comparing these world leaders to the Kings of old, carrying out vast campaigns while their subjects suffered. Here is the chorus:
We seen the last of Good King Richard/
Ring out the past, his name lives on, and on/
Roll out the bones, and raise up your pitche
Raise your glass for Good King John'.
The specific reference to Kings Richard and John is interesting, as they are two characters who are especially major contextually in the story of, you guessed it, Robin Hood. The same Robin Hood that Akechi's persona is based on. The song admits that:
'While he plundered far and wide/
all his starving children cried'
- this could be in reference to Akechi's tragic upbringing, or more figuratively the fate of the nation when policy is abandoned for nationalistic glory seeking. This is further exemplified in the lines
'And though we sung his fame/
we went hungry just the same.'
which reinforces this idea. The apathy of the citizenry also carries this over to the final major plot beat (excluding Royal's events, which I will leave out cause my arms are getting tired) - Yaldabaoth, and his control over the people. The overthrow of the king, both in the stealing of Shido's heart and the killing of Yaldabaoth, show the determination of the phantom thieves against the apathetic nature of the populace, and shows that the will to change society can accomplish much.
Anyway, in conclusion, listen to more Steely Dan, and play more Persona.

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